Assailable, odd or just different?

Being a molded clay that doesnt fit in any space isnt easy at all. Assailable, Odd, or just different.

I thought i could be the man and the woman for myself, but my thoughts just lead me to frustration, im not strong enough to play two roles at the same time. Im not discussing about gender here, its just that i wanna stand up for myself just like a man would do to a woman and vice versa. That way it would make me feel strong enough for myself to some degree. Sometimes its even easier to be strong enough for friend than being strong enough for yourself.

I've always stood up for others but never felt what its like when a dear friend would stand up for you. For so long it seemed like i treated this as a daily sadomasochism. I never regret protecting others, but as time pass by, i figured out that i keep giving people something that i never had,or worse, things i can never have. But my question is, how on earth was i capable of giving it to them if i never had it first?

Maybe its something innate, though it is innate, that doesnt necessarily mean that its bound for me, in fact its bound for others, its destiny is to be passed on, and not to be kept.

although i dont get to feel what its like to receive that innate thing, im glad that it made me significant to a number of souls. One at a time.